running & writing & crying

RUN: Completed Week One! Week 2 Day 1 is still manageable. I even looked into just doing the actual Active Couch to 5K program, but I don't want to get big headed or anything. This is a pretty good pace for me right now and I have about 5 months to train. I am taking a two day break in between W2D1 and W2D2 because my sister is in town (yay!), hopefully that doesn't mess me up. 

WRITE: Like I said, my sister is in town and I'm taking a mini life break. Haha. I will (maybe) work a little on my Methods chapter. I'm still pumped from the progress I made last week and I don't want to waste this week. I've been seeing my plenty of my classmates breaking under the pressure, like literally start crying over proposals and internship applications. I really gotta find more way for self-care! 

Anyways, woo! Go Giants!!

a running update

Sydrella Runs Away Update: did w1d2 (week 1 day 2) yesterday and I felt pretty good. The weather was a bit warmer. I wanted to run later in the day when it's cooler, but there's a week long vow prayer at church and it's been kinda hard to schedule a time to go out. Nevertheless, it was still manageable. I may have also started experiencing shin splits...? Haha I actually have no idea what they are, but my shins were a little achy at the beginning. O well, I think I'll worry about those when my running gets a little more rigorous. I also signed up for Fitocracy which is this fitness app that tracks your work-outs with points. The more you work out, the more points you get to level up. Really, the points mean nothing... but for some reason, it feels so gratifying to level up. It's kinda like you're a Poke'mon...? Analyze that, if you will, but for reference... I'm a level two syd'mon (buh dun tss).

see syd run

Ok, raise your hand if you knew I was going to drop the ball on this.

No one?

Ok cool, I knew I was on top of things.

DD #3: My blog wasn't the only thing I left behind. UGH HUGE FACE PALM. I actually had the nerve to face my chair and say I hadn't done anything for the past three weeks. Shameful. Well, I learned my lesson (my chair basically scared me with the 6 year plan. AHHH!) and have just blocked out time in my schedule. A nice 3 hour chunk of time on a Friday night. This has been more helpful then trying to do an hour a day. An hour is easy to ignore, but blocking out a chunk of time is better for me. And it's working! I'm actually seeing signifcant progress (which makes me feel good and motivated! weee!) and I'm about to start on the Methods part of my proposal. There could some glimmer of a hope to propose before November! My definite deadline with THANKSGIVING. So I can celebrate by pigging out... big time. In fancy schmancy restaurant.

New on my blog: SYDNEYRELLA RUNS AWAY. I'm going from the couch to a 5K, baby! It's one of my random goals in life! I actually despise running, but I really need to stop being a fatso. Having a 5k race as an end goal, I hope, will help push me. I found this program that I'll be following. And today, I started at week one, day one:

OBJECTIVE: Walk 2 min (warm-up), run 1 minute, walk 3 minutes
HOW WAS IT? Weather was excellent! I ran around 6pm right when the sun was setting. Slight breeze. I never felt so one with nature. Haha! Nice slight breeze. My area has tons of hills, so I struggled a little when my one minute of running was on one. I powered through though! I like this nice easy start... I kinda wish it was like this for the rest of the program... but that would probably get me no where. Anyways, I feel pretty good about this and pumped for the rest of week! Gotta keep motivated!

Writing a dissertation while training for a 5K??! NO BIG DEAL.

Nervous gulp.

having a moment

dissertation diary #2: well... well. WEEELL. I should probably tell my significant other that I'm in another relationship and it's name is Dissertation. Ba dun tsss (I need more grad school friends). This thing is always going to be the unchecked to-do list item. I did get some renewed motivation and a potential new committee member for my team today. It came in the form of an elective class. I didn't mean to take this class but I needed one of those extra classes. And as luck (or I'd like to believe, a blessing) would have it, the professor is requiring a final project that happens to be along the same lines of my Methods chapter of my dissertation. What the what. Now THAT'S killing two birds with one stone. How lame is it, that this type of news, is making my day? Already planning my post-D vacation. I'm thinking another trip to the big apple. I'm seriously thinking of applying to internships there now that my CV is going to be a bit bulkier. *daydreaming*

In other news, I've tried to get a head start with school work. I actually bought the books! HISTORICAL ACADEMIC MOMENT. Usually I start looking through Amazon on week 5, so this a big deal. I've resorted to purchasing my books through my iPad. E-reading isn't so bad really . I read the entire Percy Jackson series with no issues (I even enjoyed the background music provided by the Pandora app). So, go me! I plan to be very dedicated to staying on top of things this semester. Ok, it probably doesn't help that I'm procrastinating by writing this post. Did I mention I already bought my books?

insomnia

A huge sigh of relief when I found out my tuesday class starts NEXT week and not tomorrow. True store, once upon a time I would get excited for class to start again after a break. I guess that's when you know, you're pretty much burnt out with the academics... when school supplies don't make you giddy anymore. Ho hum.

Dissertation diary: Yay. I new little added section for these blog write-ups. This is where I tell you how much (or more commonly, how LITTLE) I've gone with my little magnum opus is going on. As of right now... the proposal is underway! I did a crap ton (I only use scientific measurements) of research and article reviewing despite the good weather and long weekend (#gradstudentprobz right?) and formatted a more comprehensive outline. Phew, let me tell you one thing... academic research makes for a great bedtime story. BIG TIP: don't read them in your nice warm queen size bed. I have a meeting with my chair and hopefully we can come up with more things for me too look for. I also need to revise my chapter one... BIG TIME (UGH). My writing voice is apparently not too "science-y" enough. Can I help it if I did well in creative writing in the 5th grade? It probably was not a practical goal to be the J.K. Rowling of research writing. Hopefully with school starting up again, I'll have a more structured and motivated mind-set. The to-do list that I made up for this thing is a bit daunting, but ces't la vie... I'm pretty much a the deep end of this graduate school pool.

In other news, I've been dealing with several health problems. It went in the order of conjunctivitis flare-up, fever/cold thing and now laryngitis. I still considered this weekend as one of my favorites of the year, go figure.

you're not forgotten!

so where was I?

Oh, right. I've been debating if I should just do one more year of school. I've made a pro/cons list that is longer than Dumbledore's beard. So far, it breaks even. I win some, I lose some either way. I will probably just end up taking another year. I only lose time but I win more sanity. I say that's pretty good.

Fall semester starts next week. With practicum, time management is vital to survive. Even with taking another year, I signed up for 5 classes. I'm pretty sure my brain thinks it's smarter than it really is or that my body can even keep up with that much work. My schedule so far:

Group Psychotherapy- My last clinical experience relied heavily on group therapy, so hopefully I can actually contribute something useful to this class

Delivering Psych Services to Vulnerable Populations- NOT looking forward to this class at all (not because of the content... but, ahem, lets say I just don't agree with some faculty choices that have been made...).

Consultation & Supervision- I don't even know what this class is even about. Another require course, of course.

Practicum III- This is a course in a series and I'm finally taking it with a professor other than the one I had before (please refer to "Delivering Psych Services..."), so I'm excited for breath of fresh air.

Regarding my dissertation.... BOO! THUMBS DOWN!! I haven't touched the thing since my last anxiety-inflicted breakdown (it's becoming the norm, don't worry). Hopefully with class starting up again, it will renew some type of motivation. ANY TYPE. C'MON.

the beginning (again)

OK, I will be honest and say this is my 5th sad attempt to re-start this blog.

I will be starting my 3rd year of graduate school this coming September and I'm determined to document my (hopefully) last two years of this turbulent, but... interesting journey towards a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. 

It is currently 12:37am and I have a meeting with my dissertation chairperson in about 12 more hours to update him on what the heck is going on with my research. I plan to propose by October, but I may have bitten more than I can chew. It's been three weeks of literature reviewing and my brain is SO OVER this. Like, there's a point where I don't even remember what the point of my study was. I went in with a plan and still got completely lost! Who does that? Dissertation researching/writing  is such a DRAGGG and the worst part is that you got to motivate yourself to do it. There's no class on it or a professor giving you a grade. That's YOUR very own project to contribute into the world of (whatever your field is) and YOU'VE got to schedule your own time to make it awesome because it's your breakout moment in the world of academia. No pressure, right?

Anyways, a colleague of mine showed me a book he recently published. It was based on TEN years of research. TEN. I guess there is an end to all this, I just hope it takes me half as long to get there (give or take one or two publications along the way... I dream big.) 

Alright, so there you have it. Riveting, I know. Stay tuned for more graduate school fun.